Knitting in Public

I don't see it much. If there is someone knitting(or crocheting) while waiting in line at the market, post office, or waiting for a table at the neighbourhood restaurant its usually me. So I was surprised yesterday to see an older gentleman sitting in the library knitting away on a Christmas stocking. It just made me smile.

Try, Try Again

I said I was through with socks but I couldn't let a sock defeat me. I ripped the first one (well, Dave did it for me) and I started over. This one is shorter and wider. I tried it on and figured I could wash it to make it smaller so it would fit my mom. Or if that didn't work I would just find someone with feet bigger than mine. No problem...except I realized that I don't have enough yarn to make a pair. I admit defeat.

Something to Think About

*Warning: This a rambling, work-in-progress, self-help kind of post about my work-in-progress life. Feel free to skip it if internal struggle and reflection make you queasy.

"I have nothing to show for my time."

As I was scanning the last post this phrase caught my eye. Take it out of the knitting context, apply it to my life in general and it is appallingly true.


Do we go through the everydays of our lives and just be? Or do we attempt to leave a mark on the world, however small? At one point I would have said yes, my time is being well spent. I would like to think that I was making a difference in the lives of my two beautiful nieces, being in their lives and interacting with them everyday. Now that I have moved away I wonder if they even think of me, did I have a lasting influence?

Lately I've been thinking about charity. I have oodles of spare time and yet, what do I have to show for it? I could be spending my time/money working toward making a difference in someone's life. A monetary donation or even making hats, scarves or blankets for those less fortunate than myself. (That sounds so condescending. Less fortunate than myself. How about those in need? Everybody is in need of something) The questions that go through my mind are: Would I being doing it to help others? Or would I be doing it to make myself feel better? Kind of takes the shine off doing good deeds when you do them for selfish reasons.

A few days later...

While charitable acts are a quick feel-good fix, a sense of self-worth needs to be present in everyday life.

In my case it boils down to learning to accept and be happy with who I am and where I am in life.

1. Dave - absolutely the best thing in my life; I need to stop worrying that one day he will wake up and decide that he doesn't love me anymore.
2. Work - I enjoy my job; I like working part-time so I can be home when Dave gets home; I like the flexibility in my schedule so we can take off on trips when Dave gets the travel bug; I wish it paid more but it pays my bills(most of the time).
3. Education - I was close to graduating from the local community college when I got married and moved away. I'd sometimes think about going back to school but I'd come up with reasons not to - I have a hard time doing things alone (I always took classes with friends), it was too expensive, I didn't know what I wanted to study. Now its almost 20 years later and I've finally realized that the only reason I kept thinking about going back to school is that because people kept suggesting that I go back to school I'd come to believe that I was a failure because I didn't have a college degree.
4. Career - which is not the same as 'work'; you need a career to be successful, right? And you can't have a career without a college degree, right? A career should set you up for financial security and provide for retirement, right? Another area in which I have failed perceived myself a failure.

I've never been very good with New Year resolutions and I've always resisted writing down goals. I'll make an exception this time.

I will work on...
I will try...

Ah, screw it.

A good friend told me "You have to move on past your self created walls of inadequacy, and have faith that you can do things."

That's what I'm going to work on.

That, and winning the lottery.

Stepping Away From the Knitting

Knitting has taken over my life.

I haven't read a book in ages -unless it had to do with knitting.
I haven't been doing my crossword and sudoku puzzles.
I haven't been doing households chores. (Okay, scratch that one.)
I daydream about matching up my stash with patterns.
When I need to go somewhere I stand in the living room staring at the floor, trying to think of what knitting project I can take, even if I know that there will be no time for knitting.


It seems like I knit everyday but don't have anything to show for it. No socks, no sweaters. The hat and scarf I've been wearing lately were made last year. I have nothing to show for my time and yet I get nothing else done. It's time for a little self-intervention.

I will finish the pink socks.
I will not start another knitting project until I finish reading a (non-knitting) book.
I will not start knitting up yarn unless I have a clear project in mind.
I will take up my crochet hook again.
I will start to cross-stitch again. (Maybe even finish a few of the UFOs in my stitchery stash.)

My life will be enhanced - not dictated - by knitting.

Today's Lessons

1)You can always change your mind
2)There's nothing wrong with changing your mind.

I started knitting almost two years ago. From the beginning I knew that I wanted to learn how to knit socks. After all, that's what knitters do, right? Yes, I made the Cabled Socks but those don't count. They aren't sock socks. They're more slipper socks. I wanted to make socks that you could actually wear with shoes, the kind of socks that had millions of little stitches and cool patterns and colours. You know. Real socks. So I decided to make these for mom (because as much I love the mix of colours I would never wear them. Well, probably never. Or possibly never):

They're supposed to be ankle socks. (Actually, not even up to the ankle. The ones that sit just under the ankle - what are those called?) Leg looks a bit too high for anklets doesn't it? I also knit into the back of the stitch instead of the front. Why, you ask? I don't know. I just did. Now my stockinette is not straight, my stitches are really tight which makes it harder to knit and makes my hands hurt. I telling myself that I'm almost done, I'm almost done. But I'm not, am I? I haven't even got to the decrease for the toe yet. And I can tell you now - I am NOT knitting a second one. One more for the rip pile.

And then there is this. I love the yarn though it does make for a thicker sock. The ribbing adds a little interest. I'm almost to the toe decrease. I will make the pair because they're meant as a gift (yes, the other ones were going to be a gift too but she's getting an afghan. Someday.), but its going to take a long while. Why do socks take so long to knit? (Other than the fact that I wouldn't see any progress at all so I'd get discouraged and put it aside. I know that can't be the only reason.)

I have changed my mind. I don't think you have to knit socks to be a real knitter. Knitting socks is tedious work that numbs my brain and makes my hands hurt. I don't want to knit socks. Although it might be better if I try a lace pattern?

Shawls are nice. I haven't tried a big lacy shawl yet.